Tuesday, January 19, 2010

There's a First Time for Everything

So here I am, jumping into the blogosphere. Today is Tuesday, January 19th, 2010. We are trying to have a baby. There it is. We've been trying for 5 months now (since September). I am frustrated, sad, depressed. It seems that everyone around me is expecting. Even facebook ads are bombarding me...7 tips to get pregnant, expecting…sign up for this awesome stuff, etc...which is probably my fault since I am a fan of thebump.com and have the app called Mommyhood. I can't take another month of no..BFN (big fat negative). We're in the middle of my month so now it's the terrible two week wait. I don’t wish this part on my worst enemy. Keep your fingers and toes crossed. I just knew last month was it (Toni can confirm that theory). But alas, here we are again. I apologize if I sound negative, but it's my choice. I am positive that we will get pregnant but the trek there is not very fun. I mean, some parts are fun of course, but the no at the end of these last 4 months has made it hard to look through to the positive. Thank goodness for my girls at work...I unload on them daily. Maybe that's why I still have my sanity. So, now that all that is on the table, let's get excited! Here’s to hoping for a yes on the 5th month!!

I created this blog to let go of some of the stress of TTC. I definitely agree that stress can play a big role in getting pregnant. I've told myself the last two months that I am going to stop "thinking" about it. Boy is that easier said than done! I take my temp every morning (BBT charting) which makes me start thinking about having a baby the very second I wake up of every single day...why do I torture myself! I am thinking that after this month, unless God willing we are pregnant, that I will stop taking my temp every morning. I know that it is a useful tool for doctors to use to see what's going on throughout the month, but I think it's adding to my stress. I am also going to take up yoga. Just on the Wii Fit for now...I don't think I have the self confidence to join a class just yet. I sit at my desk for 40 hours a week and come home and sit on the couch for the rest of the night. I need to stretch...I'm thinking being fairly limber while pregnant is much better than being tense and rigid (probably comes in handy for moms too).

We are getting ready to paint our house which I am very excited about. I need a scenery change. I posted pictures of our samples on FB and got some great feedback. Looks like Latte wins! I really can't wait for Spring. Spring is for new beginnings. To slough off the winter covers and start anew. I have so many things to look forward to...my birthday in April, our 3rd anniversary in May, a new baby Smith in June (my little neicphew!), and the fabulous summer in the sun. Oh how I would love to be pregnant for those things. I really think I'm going to be one of those women that truly enjoys being pregnant. It's all about perception. I think it will suit me well. I really can't wait. I want to be a mommy…

So, this is how I felt on Tuesday, January 19th, 2010. It is strange sitting here knowing no one will read this until we announce our pregnancy. So for now, it's my own secret world...just for me. But hopefully soon for everyone else. More to come...there ARE brighter days ahead...